"I may be a lost cause, but I thought if you loved me, it needn't matter."
-John Osborne, Look Back in Anger
I had a great vinyl stash that I regrettably sold off durning the CD revolution. My greatest loss from that poor decision was the collection of singles from The Smiths that are kind of hard to come by these days. You can find them but you're gonna pay to re-incorporate them into your life. I held on to a few of those records and picked some up here and there over the years. When I was sent away from home, I had about a dozen that left with me. I wanted to listen to them and contacted a friend of mine who had recently opened up a vinyl shop in town. He got me set up with a pretty fabulous sound system and an addiction had begun. It became an extremely important part of my daily routine. I discovered that the act of listening to music that demanded attention and commitment was very therapeutic for me. As far as addictions go, it isn't a bad one to have.
On one of my record hunting excursions, I came across the album "Sea Change" by Beck. I had purchased this on CD when it was released in 2002 but it didn't do anything for me. After one listen I traded it in for credit. It was a quite a departure in style for Beck that didn't settle well with me at that time in my life. I was still pretty rigid with my musical tastes and did not give it a chance at all. Knowing that my tastes had changed I thought I would give it another try.
It was definitely due to my condition - the moment the needle resonated the first note on the record, my heart sank. I related to every single song on this album. Beck wrote this album after the end of a nine-year relationship. It is full of heartbreak and desolation and executed beautifully.
Of all the songs on the album, "Lost Cause" is the one that I keep coming back to for more, simply because I am absolutely tired of fighting for a lost cause. Heartbreak sucks and begging makes it worse.