“The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.” - Anais Nin
I’ve always loved the mysterious, and the supernatural. I’ve always believed in ghosts - Holy or otherwise. When the book fair came to school, I’d get books on the Loch Ness Monster or Irish folk tales concerning banshees, ‘how-to-be-a-detective’ books. I memorized Revelation 13 at a young age after seeing the movie “The Omen” (I am not really sure why I saw that movie at such a young age. I couldn’t have been more than 6 or 7). When my father was working on a master’s degree, I’d set myself up in the library where he was studying with a stack of volumes from the “Man, Myth, and Magic” collection. I loved strange and creepy - the unanswerable, the unknown, the unfathomable, the unexplained. What I’ve never been fond of is the unconscionable. With all of my mystic intrigue, I still root myself in logic and reason. Logic and reason tend to help you navigate mysterious waters and come to conclusions. They may be personal conclusions but that’s enough for me.
I was never able to have a logical or reasonable conversation with my former wife concerning the decision to divorce. That still confounds me. I think that I could lay out a number of reasons why she thought it a logical decision, but that would still be a speculative conclusion. This is, yet another, futile exercise that can’t do much more than amplify frustration and sorrow. It is best to leave it a mystery.
I believe some of the best songs to be those that are poetic, abstract, and force you into a commitment. Some songs are blatant, and that is perfectly fine. Today’s song (Bahamas, “All I’ve Ever Known”) forced me to listen over and over again. I immediately knew that it spoke truth to my situation but it made me dig deeper. That’s the wonderful thing about a good mystery - you go further in and further in and each step brings you closer to truth.
Heart break is certainly a mysterious and supernatural thing. On one hand I blatantly tell you that my former wife wasn't logical or reasonable. If I am honest, there was no real mystery. I pushed her away with pride and selfishness...but then I go back to confusion. No amount of grumpiness could've outweighed the good that existed. For me, it is a mystery that anything - outside of infidelity or abuse - would be grounds for breaking apart a family. No matter how much closer I get to healing, that pain still remains. And I’m guessing, of that mystery, there will always be more.